Stationery Dealer Derek: The Office Supply Black Market King
Stationery Dealer Derek runs the office’s unofficial supply network. Need pens, paper, or staplers? Derek can get them — for the right price.
Every workplace has someone who seems to know where everything is.
Need a pen?
Derek can help.
Need printer paper because the supply cupboard is mysteriously empty again?
Derek can help.
Need drawing pins, sellotape, staplers, or even an entire box of envelopes?
Derek will sort it.
It might not be immediately.
But Derek will make sure you get what you need.
Derek’s Suspicious Career History
Derek’s employment record raises a few eyebrows.
His résumé shows an impressive history of job hopping, moving between departments and roles with remarkable frequency.
HR are still reviewing parts of it.
Some say Derek previously worked in facilities.
Others claim he was once on the customer service desk.
A few believe he might actually be a project manager.
He may have even done a little time in prison.
The truth?
No one seems entirely sure.
The Disappearing Office Supplies
Facilities recently raised concerns about the rapid disappearance of office supplies.
Printer paper usage has increased.
Boxes of pens vanish mysteriously.
Staplers appear briefly and then disappear again.
Finance has quietly suggested that an internal investigation might be necessary.
Meanwhile…
Derek’s supply network appears to be thriving.
Derek’s Desk Situation
Curiously, Derek is rarely seen at his desk.
When he is there, his desk drawer remains firmly locked at all times.
Coworkers have occasionally noticed the drawer opening just long enough for someone to collect a discreet pack of pens before quickly closing again.
Then Derek disappears for another “meeting”.
Where the Deals Actually Happen
According to most employees, the real activity happens at the vape shelter.
This is where Derek’s quiet negotiations take place.
Pens are exchanged.
Printer paper changes hands.
And occasionally, entire packs of stationery are discreetly transferred between colleagues.
It all looks suspicious.
But strangely efficient.
Derek’s Remote Distribution Network
Derek’s operation isn’t limited to the office.
Remote workers have discovered they can also place requests.
If someone working from home suddenly needs extra stationery, Derek will arrange delivery.
He’ll even drop it off personally.
However, Derek always reminds people that travel expenses may need to be considered.
The Derek WhatsApp Group
Only a select few people are aware of Derek’s private WhatsApp group.
Membership is strictly invitation-only.
Inside the group, people quietly request supplies.
Derek responds when stock becomes available.
Rumours suggest that the last employee who attempted to report Derek to management mysteriously left the organisation the very next day.
Coincidence, perhaps.
Even the CEO Might Be a Customer
One persistent rumour suggests that even the CEO has used Derek’s services.
Apparently, after repeatedly struggling to obtain supplies through official channels, the CEO turned to Derek’s underground network.
The order was reportedly fulfilled within the hour.
Derek’s Payment Methods
Derek operates a flexible payment system.
Accepted forms of payment include:
• Vape cartridges
• Cash only
• Tobacco
• Bottles of Jack Daniel’s
• Arsenal match tickets
Those who provide premium items can expect very generous stationery allocations.
Derek’s Price List (Unofficial)
🕵️ Evidence Collected So Far
Facilities and HR are still investigating the mysterious disappearance of office supplies.
So far, the following evidence has been discovered:
• The stationery cupboard was completely emptied except for one paper clip
• Derek’s desk drawer is permanently locked
• A suspicious WhatsApp group appears to be coordinating supply requests
• Derek’s bedroom contains an alarming amount of office stock
• The vape shelter appears to be the main trading location
Coincidence?
Possibly.
But facilities are beginning to suspect that the office supply shortage might not be entirely accidental.
Derek’s Home Office
Rumour has it that Derek’s bedroom looks less like a place to sleep and more like an unofficial extension of the company supply cupboard. Boxes of printer paper are stacked beside the bed, drawers overflow with pens, staplers and sellotape, and no one is quite sure how he managed to acquire so much stock.
Derek insists it’s simply “good inventory management,” but facilities and finance might have a slightly different interpretation of the situation. In Derek’s world, the office never truly runs out of supplies — it just temporarily relocates to his house.
🚩 Red Flags: Stationery Dealer Derek
If these behaviours sound familiar, you may have a Derek in your workplace.
🚩 Office supplies seem to disappear regularly
🚩 Derek is rarely at his desk
🚩 His desk drawer is permanently locked
🚩 Supplies appear mysteriously when Derek is around
🚩 The vape shelter becomes a regular meeting point
🚩 Derek knows exactly who needs what
🚩 HR appear to be watching closely
What’s Actually Going On (The Psychology)
Workplaces often develop informal supply networks when official systems become slow or frustrating.
When people struggle to obtain basic tools for their jobs, someone inevitably steps in to solve the problem.
Derek has simply taken that idea…
And turned it into a full-scale stationery economy.
7 Signs You Work With a Stationery Dealer Derek
- You can’t find basic office supplies anywhere
- Derek somehow always has them
- The supply cupboard is permanently empty
- Derek disappears frequently during the day
- The vape shelter seems unusually busy
- Derek’s desk drawer is always locked
- HR keeps asking questions, but has no proof
How to Deal With a Stationery Dealer Derek
Working with Derek can actually be quite convenient.
But it also raises a few questions.
1. Be careful what you ask for
If Derek can obtain something unusual, it probably came from somewhere unusual.
2. Avoid discussing Derek too loudly
He seems to hear about things surprisingly quickly.
3. Don’t ask too many questions
The fewer details you know, the better.
4. If HR asks… You, know nothing
If You See Derek…
If you encounter Derek in the office, you may hear the following phrases:
• “What exactly do you need?”
• “I might be able to sort that.”
• “Meet me at the vape shelter.”
• “Cash only.”
At this point, most employees simply stop asking questions.
The Facilities’ internal investigation into the mysterious disappearance of office supplies continues. Derek remains the primary suspect.
Final Thoughts
No one knows exactly where Derek gets his supplies.
No one knows exactly what his job is.
But when someone suddenly runs out of pens during an important meeting…
There’s only one person they call.
Stationery Dealer Derek.
Frequently Asked Questions About Stationery Dealer Derek
What is a Stationery Dealer, Derek?
A Stationery Dealer, Derek is a coworker who somehow always has access to office supplies that others cannot find. They operate an unofficial network for distributing pens, paper, and other equipment.
Why do office supply shortages happen?
Supply shortages often occur when ordering systems are slow or poorly managed. In these environments, employees sometimes create informal networks to obtain what they need.
Why do coworkers rely on people like Derek?
When official channels become frustrating or inefficient, employees naturally turn to individuals who can solve problems quickly.
Should workplaces investigate missing office supplies?
If supply costs increase significantly, organisations often review ordering systems and internal processes to understand where resources are being used.
James Mason
James Mason
James Mason
James Mason
