Office Tea Round Terence — The Man Who Never Quite Gets It Right
Tea Round Terence dreamed of being a Project Manager — but after a year of disastrous brews, lactose incidents and caffeine chaos, he’s now the office’s most anxious admin assistant.
Terence always dreamed of becoming a Project Manager — the kind with a shiny lanyard, a Gantt chart permanently tattooed on his soul, and the ability to say things like “Let’s circle back” with confidence. He studied at college, passed exams, earned certificates, and practised stakeholder management by trying to herd his siblings into doing household chores. The future was bright.
Then came his big break… sort of.
Terence landed his first role at a tech company as an Admin Assistant — an entry-level position, but a foot in the door nonetheless. He promised himself it was temporary. A year? Maybe two? Then he'd climb the corporate ladder like a caffeinated squirrel.
But fate had other plans.
Because Terence joined The Office of Hot Drink Perfectionists.
These are not normal colleagues.
These are not reasonable human beings.
These are people who believe tea-making is an Olympic sport, and Terence is their disappointment-in-chief.
James Mason
The Tea Round Terror Begins
From the moment he lifted that beige office tray, everything went wrong.
- Bill likes no sugar. So obviously, Terence gave him two heaping spoonfuls. Bill spent the rest of the morning vibrating like an overclocked server.
- Lisa, proudly lactose intolerant, received a full dairy tsunami. HR had to evacuate a meeting room.
- Phylis, who has drunk nothing but tea since 1981, received a steaming mug of coffee that looked like engine oil.
- Steve, who loudly announces three times a day that he only drinks Coca-Cola, got a tea anyway. He stared at the mug like it was a tax bill.
James Mason
But the disasters didn’t stop there.
- Terence once made peppermint tea for someone who only drinks English Breakfast, and they filed an internal complaint.
- He steeped someone’s teabag for 11 minutes. That person hasn’t blinked since March.
- He mixed up two identical office mugs — resulting in Cold War-level tension between Karen from HR and Alan from Finance.
- He once added gravy granules by mistake.
Nobody calls Terence by his name anymore. His unofficial title is:
The Liquid Liability.
Why Terence Hasn’t Progressed in the Company
To be fair, Terence tries.
The issue is that every performance review ends with the same line:
“Terence, until you can correctly deliver 7 hot drinks without catastrophe, we can’t promote you.”
Seven.
Just seven.
Seven drinks stand between him and his dream career.
He has completed online tea-making courses, watched barista YouTube videos, attended a workshop called “Milk: A Journey”, and printed out laminated crib sheets with his colleagues’ drink preferences.
But every time a kettle boils, Terence panics.
His hands shake.
His mind goes blank.
His soul leaves his body.
The result?
A full year in the same role with zero progression.
His manager suggested “shadowing a more experienced tea-maker”. That turned out to be Carol from Payroll, who now insists she can “smell fear on him”.
James Mason
The Toll on Terence
Let’s be honest — the tea round has broken the man.
He now suffers from:
- Tea-related anxiety
- Caffeine-triggered depression
- Chronic low self-esteem, especially when holding a tray
- Night terrors involving teaspoons
His smartwatch once detected his heart rate spiking to 175 bpm — simply because someone shouted, “Who wants a brew?”
Terence’s therapist now refers to him as “a case study in workplace beverage trauma.”
Final Thought
If Terence ever becomes a Project Manager, it will be one of the greatest underdog stories in corporate history.
But for now, he remains where he is:
Office Tea Round Terence — the man who can crash morale faster than a broken kettle.
