Meet Office Vegan Vera — The Co-Worker Who Can Make You Feel Guilty Just by Eating Lunch
Office Vegan Vera means well… but somehow she makes you feel guilty just for eating lunch. From soy milk invasions to avocado evangelism, here’s the colleague who silently judges every bite.
Have you ever shared an office kitchen with someone who can make you question every single item you put in your mouth?
Well…
Meet Office Vegan Vera.
Vera isn’t a bad person. In fact, she’s lovely — caring, gentle, polite, and very passionate about saving animals, the planet, and your arteries.
But there’s just something about her that makes you reconsider your bacon sandwich before you even unwrap it.
Who Is Office Vegan Vera?
Vera is your friendly, plant-powered colleague who has never knowingly consumed an animal product — and absolutely won’t let you forget it.
She’s calm, she’s collected, she’s dedicated to the cause…
But she carries an aura that says:
“Do you feel guilty for what you’re eating?”
And suddenly you do.
Even if it’s just a cheese string.
She’s the type who takes one look at your sausage and bacon sandwich, sighs very softly, and leaves you wondering whether you’ve personally harmed a forest.
Things You’ll Hear From Vegan Vera
You’ll recognise her by her warm smile, cardigan made from responsibly sourced wool-alternative fibres, and a reusable cup that’s probably older than your career.
And then the familiar phrases:
“Can I interest you in an avocado?”
She always has one.
Always.
Where she keeps them is a mystery.
“Here is a leaflet you should read on battery farming.”
You accept it, knowing full well you are going to recycle it without reading a word.
“I don’t judge your diet.”
But the way she says it makes you feel like she definitely does.
Daily Office Behaviour
Just like Cocky Kyle, she is completely fine at her job.
Excellent, even.
But everything around her diet comes with… pressure.
No problem doing her job — it’s just that you feel constantly judged.
She’s also known to take the occasional day off sick, which becomes a running joke:
“She’s off again — but hey… let’s not judge her. It might be the oat milk this time.”
And let’s not forget the fridge:
“How many bottles of soy milk has she put in the fridge this week?”
You just want cow’s milk.
One bottle.
But to find it, you must navigate a wall of:
- Soy milk
- Oat milk
- Almond milk
- Something labelled ‘barista foaming pea drink’
- A homemade cold-press ginger shot that threatens everyone around it
If You’re Struggling With Your Weight…
Vera will subtly let you know that she has noticed.
She’s never rude.
Never insulting.
Never condescending.
Just:
“Have you ever tried going vegan? It can really help with weight management.”
And then you’re there, debating tofu.
Red Flags 🚩
- Will cry if someone heats up leftover roast beef in the microwave
- Will lecture you on palm oil if you eat a Kit Kat
- Will visibly twitch when someone mentions Nando’s
- Thinks you’re personally responsible for the decline of bees because you once used normal sugar
- Brings in vegan brownies and insists you “won’t taste the difference” — but you will
- Has corrected at least three colleagues for saying “milk” instead of “plant-based alternative beverage”
How Do You Deal With Office Vegan Vera?
You don’t.
Not really.
You learn to:
- Hide your McDonald’s bag under your coat
- Consume cheese quietly
- Eat bacon sandwiches in your car like you're doing something illegal
- Pretend you enjoy kale
- Avoid eye contact while opening a yoghurt
And somehow…
Despite all this…
You still like her.
Because Vera means well.
She genuinely does.
She wants a kinder world, a cleaner planet, and a fridge that contains zero dairy.
