The Office Snake: Two-Faced, Toxic, and Always Ready to Strike
Think you work in a supportive team? Think again. The Office Snake smiles to your face, schemes behind your back, and thrives in chaos—here’s how to spot and survive them.
Introduction
If you've worked in any office—remote, hybrid, or in person—you’ve likely encountered the most venomous creature of them all: The Office Snake.
Did you think your biggest challenge was a tight deadline?
Wrong. It's the walking whisper campaign in human form—slithering between Slack channels, CC lines, and passive-aggressive asides.
This person isn’t just toxic.
They manufacture toxicity, bottle it, and sell it as “just trying to help.”
Who Is the Office Snake?
The Office Snake is that charming, back-patting, “you-can-always-talk-to-me” colleague… who then takes what you said and feeds it to management, twisted beyond recognition and seasoned with betrayal.
Where others see teamwork, they see leverage.
Where others seek progress, they seek power—usually gained by pushing you under the nearest corporate bus.
Classic Snake Behaviour:
Whispers in the corridors: “I don’t want to cause trouble but...”
Secret documentation: Keeps a private log of every mistake you ever made.
Faux friendship: “I totally agree with you!” (before quoting you verbatim to your manager).
Sycophantic survival: Tells leadership what they want to hear while sabotaging peers.
Info hunter: Asks “innocent” questions to build dossiers on others.
Career assassin: Throws shade with a smile.
Master manipulator: Can frame you as the villain while playing the victim.
Email ninja: BCCs, forwards, and cherry-picks messages like it’s a dark art.
James Mason
Why They Thrive
Snakes are survivors. While others burn out or move on, the Office Snake quietly climbs the ladder, stepping over the bodies of more competent colleagues.
They don’t just avoid accountability—they outsource blame like it’s project management.
Survival Tactics:
Plays politics, not people.
Crafts narratives, not deliverables.
Maintains a “clean” image while creating a mess behind the scenes.
Takes credit for success, assigns blame for failure.
Opposes progress if it threatens their control.
Has HR, Legal, and IT on speed dial... for you.
James Mason
How to Spot the Snake (Before You’re Bitten)
The Office Snake isn’t always obvious. They blend in, adapt, and strike when your guard is down. But the signs are there:
- They always “just happened” to overhear the drama.
- They compliment you right before things mysteriously go wrong.
- They never take sides—because they are the side causing the conflict.
How to Handle a Snake (Without Getting Poisoned)
Stay neutral: Never give them ammo.
Don’t vent to them: Your frustrations will become their next weapon.
Document everything: If they twist your words, you’ll need receipts.
Watch what you say (and where): They lurk in Teams chats, virtual calls, and casual convos.
Limit exposure: Like radiation, contact over time is hazardous.
Clean comms: Keep your emails, comments, and actions squeaky clean.
Don’t play their game: They want a reaction. Give them professionalism instead.
James Mason
Could You Be the Snake?
Have you ever repeated something someone told you “just for context”?
Ever BCC’d your manager because “they should be aware”?
Do you thrive in chaos that you didn’t technically cause?
Then you may not just know the Office Snake…
You might be the Office Snake.
Self-awareness is rare. Use it wisely.
🐍 Got Bitten? Tell Your Tale. #OfficeSnake
Ever had someone "innocently" mention a private convo to the boss?
Had your project hijacked by a smiley-faced saboteur?
👉 Drop your slipperiest stories in the comments or tag @OfficeBantomime with #OfficeSnake.
Let’s shed light on these cold-blooded creatures—
before they strike again.
