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How To Deal With The Snake In The Workplace

How To Deal With The Snake In The Workplace

"In the corporate jungle, beware the office snakes! Learn to spot and outsmart them for a thriving, snake-free career."

by James Mason The Office Bantomime Team

In the jungle of corporate life, both men and women can be venomous predators, lurking in the shadows of the organization. These cunning creatures, with their diverse array of colour endeavour, sizes, and shapes, lie in wait for the perfect moment to strike their unsuspecting prey, all in pursuit of power and, often, financial gain.

To navigate this treacherous terrain, we must first become adept at identifying these serpentine adversaries. And the most shocking revelation? Sometimes, the snake in your office is your closest confidant.

The Telltale Traits of Office Snakes

The majority of these serpents employ charm as their weapon of choice. They pose as your best buddy, fostering an atmosphere of trust that, when revealed, leaves you feeling deceived and stranded in a perilous predicament.

If ascending to a position of authority is their ultimate aim for achieving financial success, office snakes will typically be fiercely loyal to the current boss. In fact, they may harbour long-term plans to usurp the boss's position, and you can be sure it won't involve any honest sweat, blood, or tears.

Office snakes are skilled at sniffing out an organization's vulnerabilities. They tend to gravitate towards their own kind, although trust among them is often scarce. Their goal is simple: identify their fellow serpents and steer clear of them.

Their malicious traits include backstabbing coworkers, reporting any errors you've made to the boss, and shamelessly claiming credit for others' work. Contributing to farewell collections for departing colleagues or engaging in charitable endeavours is not on their agenda. These slithering schemers have learned that climbing the ladder to success is far easier when you're willing to make others miserable.

While some office snakes wear their deceptive characteristics like a badge of honour, others are masters of disguise, expertly concealing their true nature from prying eyes.

How to Keep the Office Serpent at Bay

How can you be certain that an office snake isn't lurking in your midst? Look out for warning signs. These serpents move with stealth, whispering, collecting information, and weaving intricate webs of deceit. They're masters at evading trouble and escaping unscathed from the problems they create.

The snake will put you to the test, feigning friendship to extract your opinions about other colleagues. They'll habitually criticize and spread rumours about coworkers, hoping to garner your agreement.

So, how do you outsmart the workplace serpent? Stay vigilant, trust your instincts, and be cautious about who you confide in. Recognize the warning signs, and don't be tempted by their charm. By doing so, you can keep the office snakes at bay and protect yourself from their venomous schemes. Remember, in the corporate jungle, it's the survival of the smartest, not the sneakiest.

Even if you might think you get along with the snake who might be a powerful person or an absolute charmer, you'll never be their friend.

When faced with the venomous whispers of an office snake, agreeing with them won't resolve anything. Keep in mind that whatever you say may reach the ears of the very person the snake is maligning. Here's a simple piece of advice: stay silent or move forward. While a kind word won't magically render the snake harmless, maintaining your professionalism and choosing not to engage can help diminish their impact. Once the snake realizes that you won't participate in their games, they are likely to lose interest and tire out. Transform yourself into the snake charmer, not the prey.

Even if you happen to share the snake's perspective, it's best to hold your tongue. In due time, the snake will grow weary and set their sights on a new target.

The office serpent finds sustenance in criticism. Their fragile ego thrives on diminishing others, leaving a trail of bruised feelings in their wake. So, the next time a colleague stirs up negativity among everyone, chalk it up to their conceit and insecurity. It might be wise to address the snake directly, either through a one-on-one conversation or a separate email, regarding their motivation for broadcasting an error you made to everyone. This way, you make it clear that you're not oblivious to their tactics, and they might think twice before targeting you again.

The CC'er Snake: Taming Office Email Etiquette

In the world of office politics, there's a particular breed of snake known as the "CC'er." These individuals relish the opportunity to publicly call you out via email, not only copying your colleagues but also your boss, and sometimes even their superiors, all to highlight an error or mistake you've made. This passive-aggressive manoeuvre can take a toll on team morale and strain working relationships.

If you find yourself in the crosshairs of a CC'er snake, consider taking proactive steps to put an end to this behaviour. Engage the snake directly and inquire about their reasoning for including everyone in the email. Alternatively, you might choose to respond via email, expressing your regret for the oversight or, if applicable, providing a rationale for why the mistake may not be entirely your responsibility. By addressing the issue head-on, you can help ensure that the CC'er snake thinks twice before using this tactic on you again.

The Time-Stealing Serpent: Reclaiming Your Productivity

There also exists a particularly frustrating creature known as the "Time-Stealer Snake." These cunning serpents have a knack for roping you into Teams meetings and bombarding you with a relentless stream of communication throughout your workweek. They might even loiter around your desk, pestering you with questions, venting their grievances about the organization, and eagerly seeking your agreement—all while you simply wish to focus on your tasks and stay out of trouble.

Conclusion: Outsmarting Office Serpents for a Snake-Free Success

In the wild world of the workplace, encountering a snake is almost inevitable. But remember, you've got the upper hand now that you know how to spot their sly tactics. Stay vigilant, be assertive, and keep your wits about you. The real victory lies in avoiding these serpents altogether or engaging with them as sparingly as possible.

And if, by chance, your boss turns out to be a snake? Well, with your newfound wisdom, you're more than ready to conquer any corporate jungle. Good luck out there—may your career path be as snake-free as can be!

by James Mason The Office Bantomime Team

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