Why the Ancient Egyptians Built Pyramids on Beer (But You’d Be Fired for Drinking at Work)
Egyptians built the pyramids fuelled by beer. So why does HR panic if you grab a pint at lunch? Explore history, humour, and the modern workplace double standard.
Did You Know Beer Drinkers built the Pyramids?
When most people think of pyramid builders, they imagine slaves whipped under the desert sun or aliens landing with laser beams. The truth is more down-to-earth — and slightly boozy.
Ancient Egyptians lived on beer. Workers who built the pyramids were rationed around four litres a day — that’s about seven modern pints. Beer wasn’t a luxury; it was hydration, payment, and fuel. In fact, beer and bread were the backbone of their entire workforce economy.
So yes — one of the Seven Wonders of the World was constructed by what can only be described as a civilisation of drunks.
James Mason
Beer as Currency: The Original Benefits Package
The pyramid builders weren’t being reckless. Beer in ancient Egypt was safer than Nile water (which was riddled with parasites). It was thick, nutritious, and packed with calories — imagine a cross between a smoothie and a pint of bitter.
It also doubled as a salary. Workers were sometimes paid in beer, and their daily ration became a form of currency. Today, we get an awkward email about “employee engagement initiatives.” They got four litres of lager. Honestly, who had the better deal?
Brewing Like an Egyptian
The Egyptians didn’t just drink beer; they mastered it.
- Beer was brewed from barley and emmer wheat, often with dates added for flavour.
- It had a cloudy, porridge-like texture. Forget crisp lager — think “liquid bread.”
- It was brewed in massive vats, making it one of the first large-scale industrial processes in human history.
Essentially, the Egyptian brewery was the ancient world’s HR department. Without beer, morale collapsed, productivity fell, and complaints probably doubled.
James Mason
Imagine HR in Ancient Egypt
If today’s HR existed back then, pyramid-building would never have got off the ground. Picture the memos:
- “Reminder: All workers must complete their Alcohol Awareness E-Learning Module by Friday.”
- “Beer rations will now be capped at two pints to reduce productivity risks.”
- “Pyramid Project suspended pending further consultation with the Health & Safety team.”
Meanwhile, 4,500 years later, we still can’t fix the office printer.
Beer vs. Corporate Perks
Let’s compare workplace perks, then and now:
Egyptians: Beer, bread, meat on feast days, job security tied to divine purpose.
Us or UK: Instant coffee, a free pen on induction day, and maybe a pizza voucher if your boss is in a good mood.
It’s no wonder their monuments still stand while your office Wi-Fi drops out during every Teams call.
The Office Bantomime Team
Productivity Powered by Pints
Think about what the Egyptians achieved while drinking beer daily:
- They invented a writing system that still fascinates linguists.
- They engineered pyramids that align with the stars.
- They built structures visible from space.
Now think about what most modern offices achieve in a week:
- 142 unread emails.
- 3 pointless Teams calls.
- A broken vending machine.
Maybe, just maybe, a lunchtime pint would improve things.
The Global Comparison: Where Beer Still Flows
Some cultures do embrace workplace drinking:
- In Japan, “nomikai” after-work drinks are part of corporate bonding.
- In parts of Europe, beer or wine at lunch is culturally accepted.
- Start-ups in Silicon Valley proudly boast of beer fridges in the office.
Meanwhile, in your office, if you so much as sniff a shandy, HR has a field day.
The Myth of Lazy Workers
We often joke that today’s employees are lazy, distracted, or unproductive. But let’s face it — Egyptian workers had it worse. They worked in 45-degree heat, hauled multi-ton stones, and still managed to clock out with enough energy to enjoy their evening pint.
Contrast that with the modern worker who declares “burnout” after formatting one Excel spreadsheet. Maybe the Egyptians had it right: keep everyone watered (with beer) and morale sorts itself out.
The Satirical “Office Beer Policy”
If we reintroduced beer at work, HR would have to draft a policy. It might look like this:
- One pint per project milestone — mandatory team bonding.
- Excel with caution — all pivot tables must be reviewed by a sober colleague.
- No warm lager — that’s a disciplinary offence.
- 4 litres a day — not optional, it’s your contract.
Imagine the productivity reports: “Team output increased by 37% after introducing IPA Fridays.”
Final Thought
The pyramids are still standing 4,500 years later. Your office chair barely lasts six months before collapsing. Maybe there’s something to be said for Egypt’s beer-fuelled approach to labour.
So the question remains: if the Egyptians could build wonders of the world while drinking beer daily, why can’t you have a pint at lunch without HR knocking on your door?
