Meet the Office Snitch: The Workplace Tattletale Hiding in Plain Sight
They smile to your face and copy in your manager behind your back. Meet the Office Snitch—the tattletale of the modern workplace, armed with Teams screenshots and passive-aggression.
Introduction
If you’ve ever worked in an office (especially open plan), chances are you’ve felt the silent eyes of this particular breed on your back:
They don’t manage people—but they love to report them.
Introducing the Office Snitch—the sneaky, clipboard-clutching, HR-whispering archetype who thrives on control, without any authority.
👀 Everyone, keep your Teams chat professional—they screenshot everything.
James Mason
Who Is the Office Snitch?
The Office Snitch is the unofficial, self-appointed deputy of workplace discipline. They're not your boss, but they act like it.
Common Traits:
- Knows the company handbook better than HR
- Reports lateness, printer misuse, and “extended lunch breaks”
- Uses phrases like “for visibility” and “just to flag”
- Regularly replies to all—just so the manager sees it too
- Pretends to be everyone’s friend while forwarding everything to leadership
- Keeps receipts… and folders… and dated logs
- Obsessed with policy, process, and “protocol breaches”
- May even create issues to report, just to stay relevant
- Has HR on speed dial
- Frequently says “I don’t mean to stir things, but…”
- Follows people on LinkedIn… and in the corridor
- Stays quiet in meetings—until someone slips up
- Spotted near the watercooler… taking notes
Catchphrase: “I thought it was only fair to escalate this.”
The Office Bantomime Team
Why Every Office Has (At Least) One
Even if you don’t know who the Office Snitch is… they probably know you. Here’s why they survive:
- Managers secretly love them—they do the dirty work
- They're invisible until it’s too late
- Operate under the guise of “just helping the team”
- Rarely break rules, but love catching others who do
- Thrive in hybrid setups—they monitor activity from both office and home
- Their reports are pristine, timestamped, and strangely enthusiastic
- Use “Reply All” like a weapon
- They’ve never missed a mandatory training session
- The office grapevine is them
Surviving the Office Snitch: Your Updated Guide
You can't get rid of them. But you can reduce your exposure.
✅ Stay Professional – Assume everything you write or say near them could end up in a report.
✅ Limit Small Talk – Don’t over-share. They’ll log it.
✅ Avoid Digital Traps – Keep messages clean and Teams chats sarcasm-free.
✅ Be Boring – Snitches thrive on chaos. Please don’t give them material.
✅ Don’t Confront Them – They’ll “report the aggression.”
✅ Use Their Energy – Need something escalated? Let them “find out” about it. ✅ Know Who They Are – Always Remember, "Snitches are Bitches."
Share Your Office Snitch Stories
Do you know who they are in your workplace?
Or… are you secretly one? 😬
👉 Drop your most shocking #WorkplaceAbsurdities moments in the comments or tag @OfficeBantomime
Let’s expose the tattletales—one action figure at a time.
Please don’t give them material.
