Meet the Office Charity Hero: Fundraising Legend, Workplace Ghost
He raises money for every cause but won’t lift a finger to help your project. Meet the Office Charity Hero—more JustGiving links than job description, and smugger than a sponsored selfie.
Meet the Office Charity Hero: Every Workplace Has One
From the satirical series: Office Action Heroes (and Villains)
"No, I can’t help with your project—but I am doing a 10K for awareness."
Introduction
We all know them. The office martyr in branded Lycra, constantly in motion—but rarely for anything work-related.
Introducing the Office Charity Hero—the walking sponsorship form that raises thousands for causes you’ve never heard of while doing absolutely nothing to help you hit your deadline.
👀 Everyone, expect another mass email with the subject line: “My Next Challenge 💪💖”
Who Is the Office Charity Hero?
They’re always smiling, always fundraising, and always avoiding actual work. You’ll find them at their desk… but not for long—there’s a half-marathon they simply must train for.
James Mason
Common Traits:
- Regularly sends broadcast emails titled: “One Last Push for Donations!”
- Has done more JustGiving campaigns than actual projects
- Brings medals into meetings… uninvited
- Smug facial expression permanently set to “inspirational poster”
- Boasts about how much money they’ve raised—every single time
- Hates talking about work—but LOVES talking about their upcoming triathlon
- Easily avoids performance reviews thanks to the charity halo
- Wouldn’t lend you a fiver, but expects you to sponsor his third skydive
- Known to run a marathon during work hours (“flexible working policy!”)
- Has multiple tabs open: LinkedIn, Strava, and the British Heart Foundation
- Uses words like “awareness,” “impact,” and “my journey” at least once per call
- Once made an intern cry for not donating to his “Cycle Across Cornwall” challenge
- Usually, in middle management or consultancy, you never know what they actually do
- Can’t help with urgent deliverables because “I’ve got a bake sale to run”
- Once made, the team stand outside in the rain for a group photo with a novelty cheque
- Their inbox autoresponder often says: “Out of Office – Climbing Kilimanjaro for Kids”
Catchphrase: “It’s not about me—it’s about the cause.”
James Mason
Why Every Office Has (At Least) One
Because corporate culture loves optics, and nothing says “team spirit” like sponsored suffering. Here’s why they survive:
- Too wrapped in their do-good persona to be questioned
- HR uses them in the monthly newsletter as a “positive example”
- Managers overlook their poor performance because “they’re raising awareness”
- Makes the company look good, which buys them infinite leeway
- Charisma deflects accountability
- Generates enough feel-good energy to distract from their missed KPIs
- Colleagues are afraid to say no to them, lest they look heartless
- Plays the “above the work” card by being permanently busy… doing unrelated things
James Mason
Surviving the Office Charity Hero: Your Updated Guide
You can’t compete with someone who’s doing “selfless acts”—but here’s how to keep your sanity intact:
✅ Don't Feel Guilty – You’re allowed to say no to donating. It’s not a tax.
✅ Redirect Conversations – If they start oversharing about training plans, ask about actual work. That usually ends the conversation.
✅ Check Your Calendar – Avoid 1:1s that turn into donation pitches.
✅ Document Everything – Especially when their project delays are blamed on “a big event I had to organise.”
✅ Separate Work From Worthiness – Charity is great. So is doing your actual job.
✅ Learn to Smile and Scroll – That fourth “sponsor me” email? Straight to archive.
Share Your Charity Hero Moments
Do you work with one?
Or… have you been strong-armed into buying one too many cupcakes for a cause? 😬
👉 Drop your most charitable #WorkplaceAbsurdities moments in the comments or tag @OfficeBantomime
Let’s raise awareness—one overly-smug action figure at a time.
