Meet the Office Chain Smoker: Always Outside, Always Stressed

Who Is the Office Chain Smoker?

He’s rarely at his desk but somehow always at work. You’ll catch him outside—come rain, sleet, or company fire drill—puffing away like it’s the only thing keeping him alive (it probably is). With wrinkled eyes, a tired cough, and the complexion of someone who’s seen the end credits of every bad Monday, he’s part colleague, part chimney.

And yes, you can smell him coming before you see him.

Meet the Office Charity Hero: Fundraising Legend, Workplace Ghost

He raises money for every cause but won’t lift a finger to help your project. Meet the Office Charity Hero—more JustGiving links than job description, and smugger than a sponsored selfie.

Office BantomimeJames Mason

Common Traits:

Always outside—you’ll find him near the bins or just beyond the no-smoking sign
Constant dry cough—sounds like a fax machine dying in the 90s
Desk rarely occupied—but his jacket’s always slung over the chair like a decoy
Off sick every third week—but never enough to trigger HR
Highly stressed—but insists “a smoke’ll fix it”
Laments loudly—“I need a fag” before even opening Outlook
Stinks of stress—with undertones of menthol and despair
Speaks in smoke breaks—that’s when the real office gossip leaks
Carries mints like ammo—chewing gum, breath sprays, emergency mouthwash
Productivity evaporates after lunch—and so does he

Why Every Office Has (At Least) One

He’s not just a smoker. He’s a symbol. A corporate cry for help with a nicotine dependency. And he exists because:

• He’s too expensive to replace but too sick to promote
• Management gave up trying years ago
• He still knows how to fix the printer and has good relations with a top client who also likes a cigarette
• He’s seen three CEOs come and go and still lights up like he’s in mourning
• New hires think he’s part of the building

Meet the Office Dinosaur: The Coworker Who Hates Change (and Email)

Grumpy, outdated, and allergic to change—the Office Dinosaur still roams modern workplaces. Learn how to spot, survive, and maybe even work with this corporate relic. #WorkplaceAbsurdities

Office BantomimeJames Mason

How to Survive the Office Chain Smoker

You can’t stop him. But you can limit exposure:

✅ Don’t follow him outside unless you’re ready for 30 minutes of passive smoke and passive aggression
✅ Be cautious of car shares—your clothes will need therapy
✅ Never borrow his lighter—you will hear his life story
✅ Avoid sitting too close—unless you like the aroma of ash and aftershave
✅ Steer clear when he says “I’ve had enough”—it’s either an emotional breakdown or just a run to the corner shop

Is He a Walking HR Violation?

Not quite—but he’s one short cough away.

Breath mints don’t hide workplace burnout. And under all the layers of smoke is often a stressed, tired employee just trying to get through the day, one cig at a time.

He’s not evil. He’s exhausted.

And chances are… so are you.

Meet the Office Mad Dog: Surviving Toxic Workplace Rage and Recognizing Aggressive Office Behavior

Every workplace has a “Mad Dog”—the raging, shouting chaos agent. Learn how to spot them, survive their outbursts, and protect your sanity in today’s absurd world of corporate life.

Office BantomimeJames Mason

Share Your Smoke-Break Stories

Know an Office Chain Smoker? Or maybe you’ve become one without noticing?

🚬 Tell us your best/worst #WorkplaceAbsurdities below or tag @OfficeBantomime with your smokiest moments.

Let's light one up for office burnout—and put it out before it spreads.

Meet HR Karen: Enforcing Policy with Zero Empathy (and a Smile)

She’s got the rulebook, the mug, and a stare that could trigger a disciplinary. Meet HR Karen—the office archetype who lives for policy and thrives on confrontation.

Office BantomimeJames Mason