Meet the Office Bodybuilder: Muscles, Macros, and Workplace Mayhem
He meal preps in bulk, flexes during Teams calls, and refuses your biscuit offer. Meet the Office Bodybuilder—the walking protein shaker powering through spreadsheets and supersets.
Introduction
You know the type. You’ve seen the shaker bottles, heard the Tupperware lids snapping open, and smelled the chicken and rice from across the building.
Introducing the Office Bodybuilder—the shredded office specimen whose muscles enter the room before he does.
👀 Everyone, brace yourself for unsolicited gym advice and the smell of pre-workout at 8:15 am.
James Mason
Who Is the Office Bodybuilder?
The Office Bodybuilder is a hyper-disciplined, protein-pounding, motivational quote machine who treats the office as a refuelling station between gym sessions.
Common Traits:
- Starts the day with a “morning pump” before work
- Hits the gym again at lunch and once more after work
- Obsessed with macros, protein timing, and creatine
- Brings a literal cool bag full of meals into the office
- Several protein shake containers are permanently under his desk
- Frequently talks about being bullied in his youth
- Won’t shut up about his upcoming physique or powerlifting comps
- Drops the phrase “clean bulk” into casual conversation
- Hands out unsolicited advice on supplements, sleep, and squats
- Gets visibly moody if someone offers him a biscuit
- Regularly flexes when no one’s asked him to reach anything
- Brings his own chicken to team lunches
- Goes quiet—and defensive—when someone jokes about steroids
- Wears tight polos with sleeves, clearly struggling to survive
- Purposefully stands to stretch when female colleagues walk past
- Frequently brings up “discipline” and “the grind” on Teams calls
- Still finds a way to mention he can deadlift twice your bodyweight
James Mason
Catchphrase: “I don’t train for looks—I train for life.”
Why Every Office Has (At Least) One
Love them or loathe them, the Office Bodybuilder is here to stay. Why?
- They’re always at work early (the gym’s next door)
- Seen as “motivated” because they never stop moving
- Their presence makes everyone feel slightly unhealthy
- Can move furniture when Facilities won’t
- Keeps HR happy by never attending after-work drinks
- Too disciplined to gossip—they save energy for deadlifts
- Offers occasional inspiration (followed by guilt)
- Known for entering local fitness expos, Strongman comps, or "Shredded November"
- Makes casual Fridays feel like arm day
- Has the ability to turn any conversation into gym chat
- Seen as “resilient” by management (translation: “won’t complain, just grunts”)
Surviving the Office Bodybuilder: Your Updated Guide
He’s not a bad guy—just extremely loud, physically and emotionally. Here's how to stay sane:
✅ Don’t Ask About His Weekend – Unless you want a breakdown of every rep, set, and supplement.
✅ Avoid the Kitchen at 11:00 – That’s when the tuna and boiled egg combo comes out.
✅ Be Vague About Your Fitness Goals – Unless you're ready for a full-body Programme and 12-week shred plan.
✅ Don’t Joke About Steroids – You’ll hit a nerve… and possibly a bicep.
✅ Steer Clear of Shirt Sizes – He’s a “Large” emotionally but a “Medium” at heart.
✅ Smile and Nod When He Talks. Discipline – He’s not asking. He’s preaching.
Share Your Office Bodybuilder Stories
Do you work with one?
Or… are you currently sipping a shake while reading this? 😬
👉 Drop your beefiest #WorkplaceAbsurdities moments in the comments or tag @OfficeBantomime
Let’s flex through the nonsense—one shredded action figure at a time.
James Mason
