Introduction

Every office has one: the accidental IT saboteur. At Office Bantomime HQ, we’ve immortalised him as Wi-Fi Wrecker Wanjiru, the man who has bodged more Wi-Fi routing projects than anyone can bear to remember. If there’s lag, dropped calls, or buffering during the CEO’s big Teams presentation, you can bet Wanjiru is behind it.

Who Is Wi-Fi Wrecker Wanjiru?

On paper, Wanjiru is a “network architect.” In reality, he’s a professional tangle artist — specialising in cables, excuses, and promises that the “next upgrade will fix everything.”

The Wi-Fi is so catastrophically slow under his watch that employees have abandoned cloud storage altogether and gone back to pen, paper, and the occasional fax. Productivity? Buffering.

Signature Traits of Wi-Fi Wrecker Wanjiru

• The Bodger-in-Chief
  Wanjiru has “optimised” the office network so many times that no one even remembers what working Wi-Fi feels like.
• Catchphrase King
  Whenever something doesn’t connect, he shrugs and mutters: “It makes no sense.” Strangely, it makes perfect sense to everyone else — you broke it, Wanjiru.
• The Router Whisperer
  He believes that hitting the router, unplugging random wires, or moving it closer to the office kettle will “stabilise the signal.” Spoiler: it doesn’t.
• Meeting Assassin
  If the Wi-Fi crashes during a meeting, Wanjiru suddenly becomes the most important man in the room — shuffling cables like a magician pulling rabbits out of hats. Except the only thing that appears is more chaos.
• Overpromiser, Under-deliverer
  Every project plan is delivered with the bold confidence of “next week, the Wi-Fi will be flawless.” Next week arrives — and so does another round of buffering wheels.

Survival Guide: How to Deal with Him

• Carry a Hotspot: It’s faster, cheaper, and less stressful than waiting for Wanjiru’s “fix.”
• Use Pen and Paper: Productivity skyrockets when you ditch the doomed network.
• Feign Gratitude: Tell him, “It’s working much better now,” even when it isn’t. Keeps him happy, keeps you sane.
• Hide the Router: If he can’t find it, he can’t break it.

How He Survives the Office

Wanjiru survives because — and this is the cruel irony — he’s the only one who knows where the router actually is. Nobody dares fire him, because then no one would be able to untangle the spaghetti cables that snake through the server room like a cursed jungle.

✅ Archetype Verdict:
Wanjiru is not just a man — he’s a Wi-Fi hazard. A walking buffering wheel. The reason “network down” has its own recurring slot in the company calendar.