Introduction

Who is Training Day Terry?

Terry is the bloke who’s managed to carve out a full-time career from simply not being at his desk. Nobody really knows what his actual job is — seriously, ask around and you’ll only get blank stares — but they do know that he’s currently on his 43rd “Professional Development” programme this year alone.

The Legend of the Training Courses

• Completed more courses than Netflix has true crime documentaries.
• His certificates cover everything from Advanced Excel to Mindfulness in the Workplace to How to Breathe Properly in a Stressful Environment.
• Some courses last two days, others five. Doesn’t matter. Terry’s there, out of the office on, and coffee flask in hand.

Meeting Mute Mark: The Colleague Who Eats, Sleeps, and Says Nothing on Calls

Meeting Mute Mark attends every call but adds zero value. Half asleep, always eating, and never speaking—unless it’s a sigh. Here’s how he survives meetings without doing a single thing.

Office BantomimeJames Mason

Employee of the Month (Again)

Terry has been voted Employee of the Month more times than anyone else. Why? Because no one actually sees him make a mistake. In fact, no one actually sees him at all. Absence, it turns out, is a great performance metric.

The Out of Office Champion

“Sorry, I missed your email. I’m on a training course.”
This is Terry’s default setting. His out-of-office reply is so permanent that people in IT have started to wonder if it’s become a system bug.

Is Training Just a Clever Escape?

Some whisper that Terry’s never really worked a full week in his life. Training is simply his clever trick to avoid doing any actual work. Why wrestle with spreadsheets when you can spend three days in a hotel conference suite learning about “Emotional Agility”?

Other Classic Terry Moments

• Once enrolled in a course titled “How to Enrol in Courses”.
• Brags about free sandwiches more than actual knowledge.
• Shares his course slides with the team but never actually applies a single thing from them.
• Known to sigh dramatically when someone asks him to do real work, muttering: “Sorry, I’m still processing what I learned in last week’s course.”

Deadline Disaster Diego: The Smiling Project Manager Who Never Delivers

Deadline Disaster Diego is the smiling saboteur of every corporate project. He promises results, misses deadlines, and invents excuses faster than he delivers work.

Office BantomimeJames Mason

Final Thoughts on Terry

Terry is proof that the modern workplace rewards those who can disappear under the banner of “personal development.” He’s not lazy — he’s just strategic. And who can argue? While the rest of us are chained to our desks, he’s sipping free hotel coffee and bagging another shiny certificate for his wall.

Survival Tip: If you want to get hold of him, don’t email. Just check the nearest Premier Inn function room.