Kiss Arse Creeps at Work: Why Every CEO Has One and How They Affect You

Kiss Arse Creeps at Work: Why Every CEO Has One and How They Affect You

Every workplace has its characters: the Office Nerd, the Slopey Shoulders, the Coffee Phantom.

But perhaps the most universally recognised archetype is the Kiss Arse Creep—the employee whose devotion to the CEO is so intense you’d think they were auditioning for a rom-com rather than doing a 9-to-5.

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Office BantomimeJames Mason

Who (or What) Is the Kiss Arse Creep?

The Kiss Arse Creep is a fixture in most organisations. Their natural habitat is anywhere within sniffing distance of senior leadership—hovering in corridors, lingering at the edges of boardrooms, and chiming in on Teams chats with excessive “👏👏👏 great idea boss!” emojis.

Their sickening loyalty knows no limits. They will fetch coffee, laugh at jokes that aren’t funny, and agree with every decision as though it were written on stone tablets and handed down from the corporate mountaintop.

Just How Far Will They Go?

Stories of Kiss Arse Creeps are legendary:

• The Standing Ovation in Meetings
  The CEO finishes a 20-minute presentation on cost-cutting, and before anyone else can even clap, the Kiss Arse Creep is already on their feet applauding like it’s the final act of Les Misérables.

• The Birthday Cake Saver
  While everyone else politely signs the CEO’s birthday card, the creep organises a three-tier cake, balloons, and a surprise flash mob in the canteen — all “just because he deserves it.”

• The Fake Hobby Twin

CEO mentions they went fishing at the weekend. Monday morning, the creep turns up with a brand-new fishing rod leaning against their desk, saying, “Funny coincidence, I’ve just taken it up too!”

• The “Let Me Carry That” Hero
  The CEO picks up a laptop bag — and suddenly the creep sprints across the office shouting, “Please, let me!” as if they’re defusing a bomb.

• The Elevator Escort
  The creep waits for the CEO to arrive just so they can ride in the lift together, pressing the button for them like a personal concierge.
• The LinkedIn Echo Chamber
  The CEO posts a vague motivational quote like “Success is a journey, not a destination.” The creep is first to comment: “Absolutely brilliant, sir. Life-changing words. You inspire us daily.”

• The Restaurant Ritual
  At business lunches, the creep always orders the same dish as the CEO, just to say, “Great choice, boss!”
• The Holiday Martyr
  While the whole team sets out-of-office emails, the creep loudly announces they’ll “stay available just in case the CEO needs anything over Christmas.”

The Ripple Effect on Everyone Else

While the CEO might enjoy the ego boost, the rest of the workforce usually feels a mixture of disgust, frustration, and “please, make it stop.” Productivity dips because:

• Genuine ideas get drowned out by the creep’s endless “Yes, boss” chorus.
• Colleagues feel overlooked when promotions and praise lean suspiciously towards the sycophant.
• The office vibe becomes less about teamwork and more about who can polish the throne the fastest.

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Office BantomimeJames Mason

When the Creep Turns on You

Here’s the dark twist: if the Kiss Arse Creep takes a dislike to you, beware. They become the CEO’s unofficial whisper campaign, planting doubts about your performance, your attitude, even your choice of lunch.

So, how do you deal with it?

• Stay professional. Don’t stoop to their tactics—you’ll only end up in the same swamp.
• Build your own credibility. Deliver results that speak louder than their flattery.
• Don’t feed the beast. The more oxygen you give to their behaviour, the more it spreads.
• Find allies. Most of your colleagues despise the creep, too, so lean on each other for support (and a healthy dose of eye-rolling therapy).

Is This Really Common? (The Stats Say Yes)

Research into workplace behaviour shows that 70% of employees admit they’ve seen a colleague engaging in blatant flattery towards senior leadership. Around 30% believe these sycophants gain unfair advantages, from promotions to plum projects. It’s not just your office—it’s a global phenomenon, woven into corporate culture everywhere.

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Why CEOs Fall for It

Let’s be honest: some CEOs love a cheerleader. When you spend your day making tough calls, it must be nice to have someone declaring you’re the next Steve Jobs—especially if they also carry your oat milk latte. The danger, of course, is that too much flattery blinds leaders to real problems, leaving the business vulnerable.

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The Office Bantomime Verdict

The Kiss Arse Creep might be unbearable, but they’re also a reminder of how power dynamics warp behaviour. For every honest worker rolling their eyes, there’s someone out there thinking, “If I buy the boss’s dog a Christmas present, maybe I’ll get that bonus.”

So the next time you see one, don’t waste energy fuming. Treat it as theatre—a pantomime performance that’s both tragic and comic. After all, what’s office life without a bit of absurdity?