Creepy Compliment Craig: The HR Nightmare of Every Office
Creepy Compliment Craig is the office’s HR nightmare — dodgy chat-up lines, awkward stares, and zero productivity. A satirical archetype that’s as funny as it is uncomfortably real.
Introduction
Ever met someone in the office who thinks he’s smooth but actually makes your skin crawl? That’s Creepy Compliment, Craig. The bloke who believes a badly timed compliment is a valid substitute for professional competence — and somehow thinks that’s a personality trait worth doubling down on.
Craig’s conversational skills boil down to two recycled lines: “Looking good today” and “You smell nice.” Neither of which are remotely acceptable when all you’re trying to do is photocopy the client presentation without incident.
James Mason
The Office Predator (of Attention, Not Talent)
- Every meeting, Craig leans back in his chair and drops a “funny” remark no one asked for.
- He stares far too long at colleagues, and everyone knows the grim thoughts behind those googly eyes.
- First to sign up for the office party, last to leave, usually lurking by the coat rack.
- Fifty-two years old, still living with his mum — and still convinced he’s the office heartthrob.
- His desk is a shrine to tragedy: novelty mugs that scream “World’s Greatest Flirt” while HR quietly prepares yet another “informal chat.”
- Let’s just say Craig has been on the receiving end of more than a few cheek slaps.
- In his head, the next “crush” is always The One — but somehow the Holy Grail keeps dodging him (and filing restraining orders in her imagination).
- His winking and lingering near the women’s toilets? A massive red flag that should have been set on fire years ago.
The Office Bantomime Team
Accessories of Doom
- World’s Worst Chat-Up Lines Pocket Guide — studied like sacred scripture.
- Suspicious Hotel Receipt — is it genuine, or just a prop in his tragic comedy routine?
- Empty Pint Glass — because Craig only “shines” after six lagers at the company social.
Why He Survives
No one actually knows what Craig does. His job title is vague, his emails are nonsense, and yet he keeps loitering around the office kitchen like a badly scripted sitcom extra. Rumour has it he closed one deal back in 2009, and the company’s been giving him a free pass ever since.
How Do You Deal With Him?
The safest strategy is avoid, deflect, or to escape. Keep conversations short, redirect his “compliments” back to business, and pray HR finally earns its keep.
James Mason
Final Thoughts
Creepy Compliment Craig is a workplace cautionary tale: a reminder that some people confuse “banter” with “being a walking HR incident.”
If you’ve got a Craig in your office, remember this — compliments don’t pay the bills, and “looking good today” won’t get your project finished.
