Surviving The Office Shithead: How to Spot, Handle, and Stay Sane Around Toxic Coworkers

James Mason -

Introduction

If you’ve ever worked in an office—remote, hybrid, or in person—you’ve probably had the sheer misfortune of encountering The Office Shithead.

Did you think your day was going badly?
Well, it has now—because this awful individual just showed up.
The Shithead.

This guy is the potimy (no, really, epitome) of all things shit:

  • Talks endless crap
  • Lies like it’s a competitive sport
  • Conniving to the core
  • No empathy, no integrity, no shame

👀 Everyone, watch out.
The Shithead strikes again—and trust me, you're going to hate this guy.
Every single thing about him is despicable.

Who Is The Shithead?

The Office Shithead is that guy. The one who somehow always makes things worse.
Every office has one—and if you don’t think yours does, it’s probably you.

Common Traits:

  • Arrogant in every interaction, no matter how minor
  • Turns every task, project, or meeting into a steaming pile
  • Consistently untrustworthy
  • Kisses up, punches down: Sucks up to upper management while treating peers like garbage
  • Takes visible joy in other people's failures
  • Passive-aggressive emails are their love language
  • Rarely contributes but always claims credit
  • Brings chaos wrapped in faux competence

Why Every Office Has (At Least) One

You’d think HR filters would stop them at the door—but no.
The Shithead walks among us, badged up and salaried.

Reasons They Somehow Survive:

  • They're already in power—or close enough to bluff it
  • They manipulate those around them to do their work
  • Their bullshit is disguised as "confidence"
  • Management mistakes their aggression for leadership
  • They're masters at punching down while kissing up
  • Fear is their main currency—people comply just to keep the peace
  • They're rarely held accountable because they’re slippery as hell

🛡️ Surviving the Office Shithead: Your Tactical Guide

Whether you're stuck on a project with him, share a Teams channel, or (God forbid) sit next to him, here’s how to deal:

Tactical Moves to Keep Your Sanity:

  • Document Everything
    Keep receipts—emails, messages, notes from conversations. You’ll need them.
  • Don't Engage in Their Games
    Stay calm, stick to facts, and don’t rise to the bait. This isn’t a reality show—you’re at work.
  • Limit Interaction
    Short, polite, and professional. Keep a distance whenever possible.
  • Avoid Venting Publicly
    Gossip spreads fast—and guess who spins it better than you? Yep, The Shithead.
  • Strengthen Alliances with Decent Colleagues
    Build a support network. You're not alone, even if it feels like it.
  • Keep It Professional—Even When You Want to Scream
    They're waiting for you to snap. Don’t give them the satisfaction.
  • Escalate Smartly
    If things get bad, go to HR or your manager—but do it with calm evidence, not heated emotion.
  • Use Your Calendar Strategically
    Block your time. Avoid unnecessary meetings with them.
  • Know When to Walk Away
    If they’re ruining your mental health and leadership won't act—start polishing your CV. No job is worth daily torment.

Could You Be The Shit? 😄

A moment of uncomfortable honesty—could you be him?

Ask yourself:

  • Do people avoid you?
  • Do you dominate conversations, dismiss others, or constantly seek praise?
  • Do you cause drama, then act like the victim?
  • Do you only "manage up"?

If you’re squirming right now...well.
Maybe it’s time to work on that.