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A Near-Death Experience In The Office

A Near-Death Experience In The Office

Imagine collapsing in the office clutching your chest. Gasping your last few breaths of air. It's an awful thought, knowing that this could be the end. What can you do? This is it! Someone has cut your puppet strings and you are about to take a journey into the abyss.

The Office Bantomime Team profile image
by The Office Bantomime Team

You are powerless on the floor, knowing that the last curtain is approaching. You have always been a dependable employee who worked a full day to achieve all of your goals for the benefit of the company.

Having been named employee of the month seven times over the years. You established a strong reputation within the organisation.

Your projects were beyond the scope of any other employee. As a thank you for the exceptional service, your customers sent you gifts. You had the highest attendance rate in ten years of service despite taking only four days off.

Your most admirable gesture of giving was the custard doughnuts you offered to the office. Every week, you and your employees received doughnuts. Even top managers would descend from the upper floors to take advantage of the complimentary food.

Out-of-body experience

As you soar above, your body splits from yours. It's quite a spectacle to observe your coworkers fretting over your body. Someone has already dialled 911 for an ambulance.

One contemplates cardiopulmonary resuscitation but decides against it. Even you realise it's too late at this point.

A beautiful stream of dazzling light appears above you. Your mind is filled with the most wonderful feelings of love and pleasure. Despite the fact that you don't have a body, you have the sensation that you do. As you glide towards the light, abandoning all dread, you tell yourself that this isn't so bad.

The Horrible Truth

A talk in a room brings your voyage into the unknown to a halt, and you decide to look into it. As you float through the office, you come across a room where three of your favourite coworkers are having a meeting. They are discussing you.

'We can't trust him with another project; he'll botch it like the others.' According to one of them.

The other had a painful scowl on her face. 'He is so incompetent, and I despise the fact that he has been awarded employee of the month seven times.' All because he crawls around top management'.

Your expression is shocked. Could these be the same people that confided in you while you were out drinking?

'Please don't ask me to schedule another meeting with him,' the third says. 'I couldn't take the foul breath and body odour any longer.'

While you try to scent your armpits, the other two chuckle. You didn't realise you couldn't smell when you were dead, and there was no longer a corpse. You feel misled and hurt, and you wonder if the rest of the company feels the same way about you.

Photo by Brooke Cagle on Unsplash

You float up to the first floor and into another room. One of your clients is having a conversation with another co-worker. She takes a couple of chocolate boxes from her bag and sets them on the table. 'Please forward this to him.' She addresses your coworker.

He chuckles. 'Are they the same chocolates that had expired three months ago?'
'Of sure,' she responds. 'We erase the year's sell-by date. Please do not send him to our offices in the coming weeks. His constant chattering drives us insane, and his foul breath is becoming unbearable.'

Your coworker bursts out laughing. 'I get where you're coming from. He drives us insane as well. Don't be concerned. I'll give him the chocolates as usual and thank him for his excellent service. We'll come up with anything to keep him from seeing you.'

You're perplexed. Was this how you were perceived by everyone you knew? 'Really, bad breath?' Have these folks been playing you and tolerating your mere existence all this time?

Could it be that not everyone felt this way about you?

You float to the top level and make your way to the boardroom. The top management team is meeting for a morning strategy discussion. They are all absolutely unaware that you perished downstairs just a few minutes ago.

A whiteboard has your name and several others written on it.

'An opportunity to get rid of you know who and make him redundant has finally arisen. According to the director of the department where you work.
Smiles from around the table illuminate the room like a sunny day. Nobody fights your corner to persuade the board to let you stay. But why is that?

Photo by Memento Media on Unsplash

As you descend into it, you look for the light once more and try to rid yourself of your hurt and misery. The terrible feelings begin to fade, and you find yourself at peace once more. You no longer care what your company's employees think of you. It has no bearing on where you are heading. You drift higher and higher until you find yourself gasping for oxygen once more.

You're back in your body, looking up at the paramedics who brought you back to life. You're not going to believe it. The pain in your chest is excruciating, and you're now gasping for air. The sensation of rejection from coworkers is even worse. You wish you'd kept drifting into the light. At the very least, you would have been able to leave behind the betrayal of this horror on Earth.

A Christmas Carol with a bad ending

Wasn't that intended to make you feel like Ebenezer Scrooge at this point, grateful that you're still alive? The only difference was that before the three ghosts visited him, Mr Scrooge was a terrible person. You simply neglected to apply deodorant in the morning. Also, the habit of talking a lot while having coffee breath. You only ever informed senior management to discuss business improvements. You never said anything negative about anyone. Were you such a nasty person that you deserved this lack of compassion?

You blink your eyes up and notice your coworkers eating doughnuts. The ones you dropped off earlier in the morning. They're all peering down at you, and some are licking their lips. You try to make sense of it all. Is it possible that they are in shock and this is how they are dealing with it?

Of course, everything makes sense now. After all, this story doesn't have to end terribly, you reason. The custard cream doughnuts will continue to be 'supplied.'

The Office Bantomime Team profile image
by The Office Bantomime Team

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